Chapter Text
She wasn’t meant to have a funeral. She wasn’t meant to be mourned. She wasn’t meant to have anyone care about her. She wasn’t meant to be loved.
However, there she was. Her body was peacefully lying in a closed coffin. There weren't a lot of people there. She should be grateful that anyone was there. She should be grateful that anyone had insisted a service be held for her. That anyone had wanted to remember her. Most of the people in the room were not there because they wanted to be. They were there for support. To help comfort someone. The only person who really wanted this funeral. Their only chance to say goodbye to the hero who had saved their life. One final desperate chance to reach out and try to comfort a lost soul, even if all that was left to comfort was her soul. They wanted to show her that there was someone who cared, someone who would mourn Toga Himiko now that she was gone, even if it was only Uraraka Ochako.
Ochako though was struggling to mourn at this moment. Unfortunately the emotions she was supposed to be feeling at this time were all being overshadowed by UNYIELDING RAGE! It had taken so much effort to convince everyone to allow this funeral to happen. To allow her to say a proper goodbye. To allow her to give a girl who just wanted to be seen as normal, a normal send off.
When Ochako had woken up and been given the news about Himiko’s passing, she did not take it well. She Immediately bolted out of the bed, pulling out her IV and anything else holding her back from finding Himiko. She didn’t believe it. She wouldn’t believe it! She needed to find her. Unfortunately, she didn’t make it far before her legs began to give out and the staff caught up to her. “LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME OR TAKE ME TO HER! I NEED TO SEE HIMIKO!” Ochako cried out as she fought against the nurses and doctors trying to get her back to her room.
They were getting ready to sedate Ochako, when a small elderly woman broke through the gathering crowd and began to speak “I’m sorry Ochako. We all did what we could.” Ochako didn’t want to listen and continued to thrash against her perceived captures. “LOOK AT ME!” Recovery Girl yelled, finally getting Ochako to snap her head and give the older woman a look filled with anger. “Ochako, I tried. She gave up too much blood in the transfusion, but what she did saved your life. She sacrificed herself so that you would live. Now you're here fighting off your nurses and doctors and reopening your wound!” Sure enough Ochako looked down and saw that the front of her gown was starting to stain red and blood was trickling down her leg. She finally relaxed and allowed the hospital staff to get her back to her room, hook her back up to her IV, and restitch her wound. She was exhausted, and beginning to fade out of consciousness, but before she let sleep take her, she made Himiko a promise. She spent the rest of two weeks in the hospital starting to plan Himiko’s funeral.
She spent the next month convincing everyone she wasn’t insane. First, everyone tried to tell her she was crazy for wanting to make sure Himiko received a funeral. The HPSC, her teachers, hell even some of her friends told her it was wrong, that Himiko was evil and didn’t deserve Ochako’s compassion. It wasn’t until Jiro gave the others an idea of what Ochako had gone through with Himiko that day. She didn’t tell them everything she had overheard, but she gave them enough to convince the rest of the class that Ochako should be allowed to hold her funeral for Himiko. They in turn helped convince the teachers, who went to work on the HPSC.
Then, she was lied to. She was told that the HPSC had already disposed of her body. That nothing could be done and she should work to move on from this traumatic event. Luckily for Ochako, Nezu, the genius he was, saw through their sham of a story. Pointing out that there were no records of an autopsy report having been filed out, the fact that no one had been brought in to identify the body, or that really any of the necessary prerequisites to disposing of the body had been completed. They finally admitted they had been too busy seeing to all of the remaining injured heroes to have done anything, and that they still had Himiko’s body in their morgue. Some suit tried to assure Ochako that Himiko’s body “would be disposed of properly” like that was something that would make her feel better. At this point Ochako felt defeated. Nezu could get them to admit to their lies, but if they were going to dig their heels in on privately “disposing” of Himiko’s body, there wasn’t a lot he could do. Ochako was feeling defeated.
It wasn’t until a few days later. UA was still being used as a shelter. Keeping the aspiring heroes that were healthy enough to not need to be in the hospital had proven to be immensely beneficial. First off, it gave them a safe, familiar place to recover that was near their families, who had also been brought to UA, the value of that could not be understated. Second, it allowed the students, who had just gone through one of the most traumatic experiences imaginable, to be continually monitored by mental health professionals. Nezu was happy to make the small sacrifice of some privacy to ensure his students were properly taken care of. Ochako was sitting in the common room of the dorms with her parents. They were all working together to try to put together one last plea to the HPSC. Their work came to a halt when the doors cracked open. As soon as it had Kirashima sprung up and yelled out “THEY’RE BACK!” in an effort to alert as many of his classmates as he could.
As the doors opened the rest of the way a startled Bakugo was wrapped in a tight hug from his excited friend. “GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU IDIOT!” he screamed. Kirashima gave him one last quick squeeze and let him go, slapping Bakugo on the back.
“Glad to see this experience didn’t dampen your winning personality! Though didn’t the doctors tell you to keep your blood pressure down? Need to let the ol’ ticker rest up man.” Bakugo grit his teeth, but did allow himself to calm down some. Then another voice cut through, which caused Ochako to spring up.
“Nah Kirishima, he'll be fine. I mean he always says no one can beat him, and he just proved that means Death too. I think I’m starting to believe it!” Izuku laughed as he joked with his friends. The other members of 1A were starting to gather around the door and surround the two new arrivals. Ochako took this as her moment to slip away. A move that did not escape a very observant boy’s eye.
Ochako quickly made her way to her room, over to her bed and under the covers. She then began to weep uncontrollably. She was so excited for Deku to get back from the hospital. To know her friend was alive and okay. After the stories she had heard from those that were around in the end, she wasn’t sure he would ever recover. But then there he was, just the same as before. Sure maybe there were some new scars here and there, a prominent one right on his face, but other than that he looked… Normal. He was smiling. For fucks sake he even made a joke! It was too much for Ochako to handle. How, after everything they had just gone through, was he able to stand there and smile and joke, while she was barely able to hold it together from one moment to the next, desperate to properly lay to rest a girl she barely knew. It was all too much for her. She had to be alone so she could let the walls she was keeping up for everyone finally come crashing down.
Ochako wasn’t sure how long she had laid there crying, but the sobbing had finally died down. She was fully prepared to stay hidden under her sheets until the next morning, when she heard a soft knock on her door. That was probably her parents coming to see why she had suddenly just left like that. Ochako got out of bed and made her way to the door. As she started opening it she tried to put on a smile and started “I’m sorry guys, I realized I forgot some…..” she was forced to stop when she realized it was not her parents at her door.
“Hey Uraraka. Mind if I come in?” Asked Izuku. He had a soft smile, but it did little to mask the look of concern on his face.
“Oh Deku you’re finally back!” She stated, her Uravity smile plastered on her face. “Yeah please come in.” She led him inside her room and offered him her desk chair while she sat on her bed. They sat there in silence for a moment until Ochako finally decided to break the silence. “It looks like your recovery has been going well. I think if I accidentally rip my stitches out one more time, Recovery Girl is actually going to turn my shins into powder haha.” Even she couldn’t help but wince at her terrible excuse for small talk.
“Ha yeah I don’t think you could ever catch up with the beating she’s gonna give me after I’m fully recovered” Izuku said with a nervous laugh, clearly a little happy for the small delay before they got to why he had come to her door in the first place. There was another awkward silence, but this time it would be Izuku who would break it, finally allowing the happy mask he was wearing to break. “I’m tired, Ochako. I’m so tired. Everyone keeps telling me that I did such a good job, that I saved not only Japan, but possibly the world. I don’t feel like I saved anything.” There was another moment of silence, but it was broken by a sniff as tears began to fall down Izuku’s face. “I killed him Ochako. I didn’t want to, and everyone keeps telling me there was no other way, but I know they’re wrong. They have to be. There had to be some other way for me to end it. I keep playing it back in my head over and over again, but it always ends the same way. I’ve had to have this stupid fake smile, pretending I’m ok. I don’t think anyone would really understand." He paused for a moment, looking earnestly at Ochako, "Or at least I didn’t think anyone would. Then I saw you run upstairs when I came in.”
Ochako cringed at finding out she had been caught running away from Izuku, but when she looked back at him she saw a small smile appear as he looked back at her with his tear filled eyes. “I was a little sad at first, but then I remembered what I heard about what had happened to you. What Toga had done to you… what she did for you. I knew If anyone would understand it would be you.”
Ochako sat there for a moment stunned at everything she had just heard. Then she started crying again. She cried hard. She tried to stop herself, to try to say anything to her friend, but when she looked up she saw he was also crying. An almost comforting feeling washed over Ochako. At that moment she knew no words were needed. They could sit there and cry together, feel the pain they couldn’t show together, mourn together. After a while, it seemed Ochako was finally running out of tears to cry. She had noticed Izuku had also started to wind down as well. “I’m so sorry Deku.” Ochako finally managed to say, “I saw you, and you were smiling and laughing. It made me feel weak for feeling this way, weak for crying myself to sleep at night, weak for wishing she was here instead of me. I miss her so much, Deku. I didn’t know I could feel this much pain. I feel like a part of me is gone, like I’m just empty inside. I just want to see her. To see her smile one more time, but they won’t let me. They won’t let me do anything! I just want to give her a funeral, to do something to make her feel normal, even if it’s just in the afterlife.”
Ochako then began to break down again. Izuku sniffed and looked up at her. “What do you mean they won’t let you do anything?” He asked.
“The HPSC.” Ochako managed to get out. “They won’t let me give Himiko a funeral. They tried to lie at first and say she was already gone, but when Nezu called them out they just said there was nothing that could be done.”
Ochako was beginning to allow herself to slip back into her sadness, but felt a hand grip hers. A rough hand. A scarred hand. She looked up to see Izuku’s face. He was angry, determined. “We are going to see Nezu. Now.” Izuku said with the same resolution he always had when he was doing something heroic. “We are getting that funeral, for her and for Tenko!”
Ochako wanted to fight him. To tell him it wasn’t going to change anything. That she had been working for weeks, trying to find any angle that could convince the bastards at the HPSC to even talk to her anymore. But she was exhausted. She had no energy left after crying so much. She let him drag her off to Nezu’s office. She sat there as he yelled at the principal, she couldn’t even bring herself to listen to what was being said. She sat there as Nezu picked up the phone and made a call. Who it was to Ochako didn’t know. She sat there as Izuku and Nezu spoke into the phone.
All of a sudden Izuku pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her. “We did it!” He excitedly whispered into her ear.
“Huh, what did we do?” Ochako groaned. Izuku final got a real look at her, seeing how exhausted and out of it Ochako was.
“Thank you for your help Principal Nezu! I’m going to get Uraraka back to the dorms.” Izuku said as he helped Ochako to the door.
“I’m just glad we were finally able to get this matter settled.” sighed Nezu, “Thank you Mr. Midoriya for your help in finally convincing them! Now go get some rest.”
As they walked back to the dorms, Izuku explained how he had leveraged his and the rest of the class's efforts in the war against the HPSC. How having the savior of Japan come out against them as they were attempting to rebuild their reputation would be a far greater cost compared to allowing them to lay to rest the villains they couldn’t save. One conversation was all it took.
As they approached the dorms, Izuku looked back to Ochako, “Thank you for everything today. I don’t think I would have had the courage to stand up to the HPSC if it weren’t for our conversation and for you being there. Toga was lucky to have you as a friend.” He said to her with a genuine, but small smile.
“Please don’t call her that anymore Deku” Ochako muttered while staring at her shoes.
“What?” Izuku questioned with a slightly puzzled look on his face.
“Please don’t use that name anymore. I don’t think she liked it very much. Those people. Her parents. They were terrible to her. I don’t think she would want to be called something that connected her to them. Please just call her Himiko.” Ochako said sternly, but still staring at the ground. Her fists were balled tightly as she tried not to cry again.
“I think I can do that. For Himiko.”’ Izuku proclaimed as the smile found his face again.
As they were getting ready to walk back in, Ochako looked back at Izuku, “I would hope you can. I mean you clearly have no problem using girls' first names. I think you used mine twice today.” She said, happy that she still seemed to have enough energy left to mess with her friend.
“W-w-wait w-when d-did I-I do tha…” Izuku stammered out as his face went red and he froze. A smirk made its way across Ochako’s face as she went through the door leaving her friend outside to reboot.
She saw her parents still in the common room, eying her with concerned gazes. She explained to them the big news, but excused herself to her room as she was feeling fatigued and wanted to rest for the night. After saying their goodnights the Uraraka’s made their way back to the parents’ dorms and Ochako made her way back to her room.
As she laid down in bed she couldn’t help but feel a little happy that she was finally going to be able to hold the funeral for Himiko… and Shigaraki. All the work she had put in was finally paying off!
After Deku made one call to the HPSC.
After he forced their hand with his deeds.
After he leveraged his name as the "Savior of Japan".
No! She shouldn't be thinking like that. Ochako was glad her friend had helped her accomplish her goals. For god's sake he saved Japan, probably the rest of the world too! Of course that was going to come with some influence. I mean why would she think they would ever listen to her. It’s not like she saved countless hero and civilian lives. It’s not like she had a quirk awakening right when everyone needed her most that totally neutralized the overwhelming attack they were all facing. It’s not like she was stabbed and nearly bled out to save hero society. It’s not like she was a hero too.
She had done all of that though. She was a hero! What she did turned the tide of the battle! There is no telling if things would have turned out like they had if she hadn’t done what she did. So why? Why wouldn’t they listen to her? Why didn’t she have any pull with stupid suits at the HPSC? Why wouldn’t they let her hold a funeral? Why wouldn’t they let her see Himiko?
Did it even matter now? She was getting what she wanted. Something about it felt wrong though. Was it that she felt like she was getting what she wanted out of pity? No. She knew that feeling too well. Everytime neighbors brought food to their house when she was a kid. Everytime a classmate upgraded their phone and offered her their old one because she still used an old flip phone. Everytime Momo paid for everyone’s dinner because she knew that Ochako was stressing out about how to maximize the most amount of food for the least amount of money. She knew pity well, and this wasn’t it. Deku went to Nezu out of his own guilt for Shigaraki. Nezu made the call because he felt sympathy for his students. The HPSC finally relented because they felt obligated. They felt obligated to Deku.
In that moment she knew why it felt wrong. She didn’t want to believe it though. That couldn’t be it. She was happy he had helped! She was grateful he saved them all! She was jealous. Jealous that he had finally broken through the HPSC. Jealous that he was being recognized for his heroic deeds. Jealous that, of all people, it was Izuku who was giving Himiko the gift of a final goodbye. Izuku, who Himiko loved.
The next day Nezu called Ochako and Izuku back to his office. There he informed the two that the funerals would be held together in one week at a crematorium near the HPSC headquarters in Tokyo. “What about the wake? Will a week be enough time to get everything ready? What preparations have already been made? When can I see her?” Ochako asked, not letting Nezu get a word in, before starting the next question. It was only when she saw the small creature look down, a sympathetic look crossing his face.
“I’m sorry Miss Uraraka, I will answer your questions, but you are not going to like the answers I have for you. It is of the president of the HPSC’s opinion that this shouldn’t even be allowed to happen. He said if it were solely up to him that the world would be better off if everyone just forget about Shigaraki Tomura and Toga Himiko. However, he was said he would be remiss to ignore the wishes of those who saved this country. With that came rules though. There will be no wake. There will be a short ceremony where those who want to say goodbyes may, followed immediately by the cremation of Miss Toga. Her ashes will be offered to any remaining family, if they can be found. If they cannot be found, or they do not accept the ashes within a week, they will offer those in attendance an opportunity to take them. As for Shigaraki, a small altar will be set up for him.” Ochako started to protest, but Nezu raised his paw to stop her. “Unfortunately Miss Uraraka I am not finished. The call was also made that there are significant security risks associated with the body of Miss Toga. They have made it clear that her body is to remain sealed in the morgue freezer. On the day of the funeral she will be moved from the freezer and into a sealed cremation vessel, then transported to the crematorium.”
Ochako sat in stunned silence for a time. Finally gaining some semblance of composure she took a deep breath “So… they aren’t…. They won’t let me see her?” she asked, barely able to choke back her tears.
“I’m so sorry Miss Uraraka. I know this has been a horrific ordeal for you. I promise you since I was informed of your wishes I have done everything in my power to make this happen. Unfortunately we are the limits of what the influence of the school and you and your friends’ deeds can do as the HPSC rebuilds. I assure you while things may seem simple, this funeral requires a great deal of resources that the HPSC is atrociously lacking right now.”
“But… there has to be a way… can’t we just…” Ochako sputtered out, only seeing nothing but a brick wall in every direction. Every direction but one. “Please Deku, please! You have to talk to them again! They listened to you! They’ll listen to you! Please Deku.” Ocahko desperately grabbed onto a stunned Izuku. “PLEASE!”
“Ochako… I d-don’t… eh… I don’t think…” Stuttered Izuku.
“Miss Uraraka, please calm down.” demanded Nezu, quickly shifting back into his authoritative role. “I don’t think that would be a wise course of action for Mr. Midoriya. This deal we have made with the HPSC is very delicate. I fear pushing the issues may cause it to crumble apart. Please, I ask that you trust me when I say we have done all we can, and, as much as it pains me to say this, it is best to take what little you are being offered here. It is quite probable that another one will not be extended.”
“He’s right Ochako, we need to be happy with what we’ve got here. I know you want to see her again, but they are letting us say goodbye at least.” said Izuku, speaking softly. “If you really want me to, I'll try, but I don’t want to push them too much further than we already have.”
Ochako continued to cry for several minutes while Izuku fruitlessly tried to comfort her. “It just doesn’t make any sense.” she whispered, barely loud enough for Izuku to hear her. After some time she finally began to regain some composure. “Fine, you guys are right.” Ochako declared, wiping the tears out of her eyes. “I’m sorry Deku, I shouldn’t have put that on you, that was selfish of me.”
“No Ochako, you have no reason to be sorry! I understand!” Deku reassured, “I wish there was more I could do for Tenko, but there is only so much we can do for them. The best thing we can do is make the most out of what we are being given.”
Ochako knew he was right. She’d probably be better off, hell, she’d be happier, if she just let it go and gave Himiko the best send off that she could. She couldn’t help it though. There was a thought just nagging in the back of her mind. “Principal Nezu, please, something doesn’t feel right. Why aren’t they letting me see her? Is it really that much of a security risk? Do you think something else is going on?”
“I’ve been thinking about that as well, Miss Uraraka.” Sighed Nezu, “When I first heard it, I too had some questions. The more I have ruminated on the subject though, the more I believe they are right. While we defeated a great evil in this world, there are many others lurking in the shadows waiting to fill in the space that All For One has left. There is a real possibility that there are threats that would love to get to Miss Toga’s body for her quirk.”
Ochako allowed a few more tears to fall from her eyes before steeling herself. “Ok, if you think this is above board, then I will go along with it. Please though, if any opportunity arises to allow me to see her, please let me know immediately.” Ochako started to get up to leave.
“There is one last thing before you leave Ms. Uraraka. We need to discuss what I require of you two for me to allow you to attend.”
Ochako stopped in her tracks. “What?” She spat out angrily “after everything I have gone through to make this happen you are telling me that isn’t enough for you!”
“Uraraka please, let’s just hear him out.” Izuku tried before being cut off
“NO!” Ochako screamed out, hot, angry tears running down her face. “I’m done! I’ve done everything that’s been asked of me and more! For what? The HPSC has taken nearly everything already! What? What do you possibly have left to take from me?”
Nezu calmly shook his head. “I really am terribly sorry Miss Urararka. To ask anything more out of any of you is not fair. However, you have further demonstrated why it is necessary that I must ask this of you.” He said as he tried to look sympathetically at Ochako “It is my understanding that you and Mr. Midoriya have both refused to speak with Hound Dog, nor with any of the mental health professionals the HPSC has offered up. To be fully honest, I understand. As much as I trust Hound Dog to be able to handle the day to day issues of students, I fear we may be asking a bit much of him right now. As for those the Commission provided. Well, you’ve had your own interactions with them now. I don’t think you would think me paranoid for questioning that their motives are entirely altruistic. For most students I feel the good they can provide outweighs any damage they could do, but for students like you, I am more skeptical. Clearly I can appreciate your reasoning, I feel it my responsibility, not only as your principal, but as your fellow hero to make sure you not only recover physically from what you’ve been through, but mentally as well. That is why I am requiring that the two of you see mental health professionals after the funeral. I would like you to see them semi-weekly until the end of your schooling. All expenses would be covered by the school of course. If this is amenable then I will feel comfortable for this to continue.”
“Is that it?” Ochako asked, almost dumbfounded.
“That’s it.” Nezu repeated flatly.
“Fine!” Said an exasperated Ochako. “Whatever! I’ll talk to someone! Is there anything else?”
“No Miss Uraraka. As long as Mr. Mydoriya agrees, then I see no reason to further hinder this endeavor.”
“Well… Good.” Ochako huffed. She turned around and reached for the door, stopping as she reached for the knob. “Thank you Principal Nezu.” She said quietly, turning the knob, and walking out the door. She walked alone thinking to herself about what Nezu had said. Did she really need to talk to a therapist? She was fine! It was everyone that was trying to stop her that was acting weird. She wasn’t crazy! They were crazy! ‘Ok maybe Nezu has a point’ she thought with a mirthless chuckle.
Before Ochako knew it she was already back to the dorms. She went to her room to grab her toiletries and headed back down to the baths. She was feeling gross after the conversation and wanted to wash the feeling off of herself. As the water ran down her body, Ochako couldn’t help but wonder what Himiko would think about all this. Would she be happy that Ochako was working so hard to do this for her? Would she be upset that the HPSC was being allowed to dictate so many of the terms surrounding her funeral? Would she even care that Ochako was doing this for her? How much did she even know about Himiko?
Ochako was shaken out of her deep thoughts as the door to the baths opened and one of the other girls began getting ready to bathe. She took that as her sign to leave, not even remembering if she had actually cleaned herself, just trying to get out before she was seen by whichever classmate had entered. She quickly made her way through the common room and up to her room. She got into her pajamas and made her way to her bed, too exhausted and sad to care that the sun hadn’t gone down yet. She pulled the covers up and was about to slip underneath them when she heard the one sound she dreaded above all else in that moment.
Knock knock knock…
Ochako froze. Maybe if she stayed perfectly still they would assume she wasn’t there and leave.
Knock knock knock…
They were probably just double checking to make sure she wasn’t in there. They definitely would leave this time.
Knock… Knock… Knock…
‘Oh god damn it! Fine! It better be fucking important!’ Ochako screamed internally as she made her way to the door.
“Fine, I'm here! What do you ne…?” Ochako sighed out as she opened the door, stopping as she once again saw the familiar mop of green hair on the other side.
“He-hey Uraraka… are you ok? You just kinda left all of a sudden. I kind of need to talk to you.”
“Oh… I’m sorry Deku. I just… I needed to get out of there” Ochako said softly, starting to feel embarrassed from her outburst in Nezu’s office. “Can we talk tomorrow? I kinda just want to go to bed right now.”
“Actually” Izuku said somewhat hesitantly, “I don’t think this can wait.” Izuku took a moment to steal himself. “Can I please come in?”
Ochako sensing the seriousness of the situation stepped aside to allow her friend inside her room once again. She made her way back to the bed and sat on the edge, while Izuku stood nervously by her desk. “Uraraka, I’m so sorry… I don’t know if I can do it. I’m not ready… I don’t think I can talk to someone else about this. I can’t do what Nezu is asking. I’m not ready to talk about what happened.” Tears began to roll down his face.
“Oh Deku, it’s ok. If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. I’m sure we can figure something out with Nezu, and if he is too stubborn, then you can just write down what you wanted to say and I can say it for you. We’ll figure something out!” She said as she gave her Uravity smile, relieved it was something simple, but also annoyed still that this could have waited until the next day.
“Uraraka…” Izuku sighed out, looking down at his feet. “That’s not how it works.” Ochako could hear the guilt in his voice. She could see the shame on his face.
“Deku, what happened after I left?” Ochako asked, trying to hold back tears, already knowing she wouldn’t like the answer.
“Nezu explained in a little more detail what he wanted.” Izuku explained, tears starting to fall more rapidly. “He wants to reach out to experts. People outside the normal system so we can know that they are truly independent and outside of even his influence. I thought I was ok with it! I really did! But… The more I sat there the more I realized… Ochako I’m so sorry.” The dam finally broke and Izuku started weeping. Ochako rushed up and started to comfort him, but was still confused by what Izuku was apologizing for.
“Deku, why are you sorry?”
…
“Deku, why are you sorry!”
…
“Izuku! What are you not telling me!”
Izuku’s sobs started to slow, and after a moment they stopped all together. “It’s not just me.” He said, his voice barely a whisper. “Either both of us do what he asked, or no one gets to go.”
Ochako felt like she had been punched in the gut. “No, there... This has to be a misunderstanding!”
“It isn’t!” Izuku yelled out, nearly knocking Ochako back down onto her bed. Izuku took a few moments to regain his composure while Ochako’s began to crumble “He was crystal clear Uraraka. I told him I wasn’t ready. He said he could respect that, but that he was worried how you would react to the news. When I asked him what he meant, he said that if we both didn’t agree then the funeral would be off.”
The room started spinning. Ochako’s legs gave out and she fell to her knees. Izuku’s hero instincts kicked in, running in to help her off the ground and back up to her bed, continuing to apologize the entire time. The words didn’t reach Ochako’s ears though. There was just a loud ringing. She was shell shocked. She sat on the edge of her bed, dumbfounded, for a few moments. Then a tear fell. And another. And another.
“Why does this keep happening?” Ochako's strained voice whined out, her head in her hands, more tears falling to the floor “Every step of the way has just been more pain, more suffering.” She was struggling to hold it together. She didn’t want to cry any more. She didn’t want to be sad. There was another feeling wanting to come through, but Ochako couldn’t identify it.
“I’m sorry Uraraka, I wish that I could do something…”
Oh that’s it! It was anger. Furious, righteous anger.
“You’re sorry?” Ochako asked not looking up. “You’re fucking sorry!” She screamed, causing Izuku to jump back, tripping over himself and falling to the ground, startled by her sudden outburst. Ochako stood up glaring daggers into the boy as he looked up at her. “Well I’m so glad you are sorry Izuku! That’s really going to help me stop crying myself to sleep!”
“Uraraka?” Izuku squeaked out, tears running down his face again. Ochako couldn’t hear him though. She couldn’t hear anything other than the sound of her own angry thoughts.
“And you say that you wish there was something you could do! Oh I think I have an idea! Why don’t you just do the fucking therapy!” She spat out with a level of vitriol she wasn’t aware she possessed. Izuku sat and watched Ochako angrily pace around the room. “Why Izuku! Why can’t you do this! Why can’t you do this for me!” She yelled as she stopped and looked at the still frozen boy on the ground. He just stared back mouth agape still too dumbfounded by the situation to say anything. This did nothing but make Ochako angrier. She reached down, grabbing Izuku by the collar of his shirt, removing his gravity, and slamming him into the wall. “Answer me goddammit! You’ve talked to me about everything! Why? Why can’t you just talk to a stupid shrink!” She shouted into his face, angry tears streaming down hers.
“I… I…” Izuku stammered, before swallowing the lump in his throat, taking a breath, and composing himself enough to answer. “Because it’s different with you.”
“How is it different with me!”
“Because they’re both dead because of us!”
…
…
…
“Get out of my room.” Ochako said, returning Izuku’s gravity, letting go of him and walking back towards her bed.
“I didn’t mean it like…”
“GET THE FUCK OUT!” She screamed! Turning around and staring at Izuku with hate in her eyes.
Izuku started to try to say something, anything that could help fix this, but he could see from that look that the damage was already done. He turned and walked out the door, leaving Ochako in her room. Alone.
The next 6 days went by in a blur. Spent entirely within Ocahko’s room. Her parents came and went occasionally, saying things she didn’t really listen to, feeding her food she really didn’t want to eat, desperately trying to breathe some life back into their daughter. Ochako just laid in bed, crying, then sleeping, then waking up and crying again. The cycle only finally being interrupted by a phone call.
“Hello” Ochako groaned out, not even bothering to look at who it was calling
“Oh I’m terribly sorry Miss Uraraka, did I catch you at a bad time?” Came the ever chipper voice of Principal Nezu.
“Oh Principal Nezu!” Ocahko nearly yelled out, almost dropping her phone in her panic. “Now is fine! How can I help you?”
“Well I wanted to review the plan for tomorrow with you to ensure everything runs smoothly.”
Ocahko sat up in her bed confused. “I’m sorry sir, what do you mean the plan for tomorrow?”
“Well we need to set a time for us to depart from campus. I also need to know which, if any, of your classmates will be attending the funeral.” Nezu casually explained.
“The funeral?” Ocahko asked, wondering if she had heard the mouse man correctly.
“Yes, did you have other plans for tomorrow?” Nezu somewhat sarcastically questioned.
“Wait, how? I thought Deku said he wasn’t going to do the therapy?” Ochako asked, almost not wanting to question the principal’s apparent change of heart. “He told me you said that if we both didn’t go that the funeral wasn’t going to happen!”
“Oh I see! Mr. Midoriya must not have informed you yet. We had a very productive conversation this morning. Luckily for both of us I was able to finally convince him of the benefits of investing in his mental health. With that being the case I see no reason to prevent either of you from attending the service.” Ochacko listened to Nezu explain the situation but couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“So Deku changed his mind, I can go to the funeral.” Ochako slowly tried to reason out what she had just heard. “I don’t know what you said to him, but thank you Principal Nezu! Thank you so much!” Tears began rolling down her face as she continued to thank him.
“Ah, well as much as I would like to take all the credit, I don’t think he would have agreed if it weren’t for the fact that he would be letting you down by not cooperating. Regardless, we need to get the details for tomorrow set!” Nezu continued to go over the plans for the next day, while Ochako went through the motions of the rest of the conversation, giving input where needed. However, her mind was too focused on what Nezu had said.
‘He didn’t want to let me down.’ Ochako thought to herself. The guilt over yelling at him starting to take hold. She hadn’t thought about it in the preceding days, but now all she could think of was the sad look on his face as he left her room that day. ‘I should apologize.’ Ochako reasoned and finally made her way out of her room for the first time in days.
As Ochako made her way down the hall she continued to think back on that day. She thought back on her actions and felt sick to her stomach. How could she have been so rude, so vile to one of her best friends.
‘I’m sorry Uraraka’
He didn’t deserve for her to snap at him like that.
‘I wish that I could do something.’
He was just scared and didn’t know what to do.
‘It’s different with you.’
He was a good person, he wasn’t trying to hurt her.
‘They’re both dead because of us!’
Ochako was at Izuku’s door, hand up ready to knock, tears rolling down her face yet again. ‘Why am I apologizing!’ she thought to herself, anger starting to rise again, not just at Izuku, but at herself as well. ‘Why am I always the one who has to compromise, why am I always the one to say sorry!’ Ocahko continued to stand their debating with herself, but finally lowered her hand. ‘No. It’s not my responsibility to fix this.” She turned to walk away, but there was one last thing she needed to do.
“Thank you Deku” she said to the door, and walked away. On the other side an exhausted Izuku sat by the door, as he had been all day, waiting for Ochako to come by so he could give her his apology .
The rest of the day went quickly. Ochako went around to the rest of Class 1A to get a headcount of those that would attend. First, she found Momo, Jirou, and Kaminari, the later two absent mindedly jamming while the former silently watched, sipping on tea. They quickly agreed, the two girls knowing better than anyone that their friend needed the support. Next she found Tokoyami, Shouji, and Koda working on their own project, a pitch for a heteromorph rights campaign to give to Hawks to present to the HPSC. They also agreed to attend. After that she went to the kitchen and found Iida fueling up with a post run orange juice, as well as Satou preparing a new jelly recipe he had come up with for Tsu. Satou gave a nod to confirm his attendance, while Iida, wanting to show his support, began going on about how Ocahko’s show of compassion was a sign she was a true hero. Tsu gave Ochako an affirmative ribbit and a big hug knowing how hard this had been on her best friend. Ocahko found the rest of the class in the common room. Mina and Hagakure were at a table working on scheduling a visit with Aoyama, who was still being held with his parents until their trial for their involvement in everything. Sero, Mineta, and Shinso, who had officially been added to the class after the final battle, were all playing video games on the big tv. Finally Kirishima and Ojiro were sat on one of the couches discussing ways Kirishima could incorporate more martial arts moves into his more brawler style of fighting while Bakugo lounged on the other scrolling on his phone. Ochako made a note to text Todoroki, who was still with his family looking after Toya.
“Hey everyone, I’m trying to get a headcount of who all is going to attend Himiko and Shigaraki’s funeral tomorrow.” Ocahko announced to the room.
“You know we’ll be there for you girl.” Mina proclaimed.
“Yeah!” Hagakure reaffirmed, the sleeves of her shirt flailing wildly.
“We’re all in” Sero said answering for his other friends while preparing to tape up Mineta’s mouth before he could say something stupid.
“I’ll be there” Ojiro said giving ochako a kind smile.
“Yeah we’ll be there too! Right Bakugo!” Kirishima proclaimed loudly.
“Pass” Bakugo stated bluntly, not looking up from his phone.
“Come on Bakugo, Uraraka is asking us to be there! Can’t you do this for her?” Mina asked frustratedly, walking over to and leaning back of the couch Bakugo was laying on.
“They were villains, why do I care what happens to their bodies?” callously replied, clearly annoyed that this had turned into a conversation.
“It’s not about that you idiot!” Mina pushed out through gritted teeth, irritated by her friend’s complete lack of social awareness. “We go because our friends need our support! I swear if you don’t go I’m gonna…”
“Mina!” Ochako interjected, trying to help keep things from devolving any further than they already had. “He doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to. Sorry for wasting your time Bokugo.” Ochako turned to walk away and head back up the stairs, but was stopped when she heard a loud sigh from behind her.
“Aye Pink Cheeks wait.” Bakugo demanded getting off the couch and quickly walking towards Ochako. As he approached he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the stairwell for privacy.
“What do you want Bakugo?” Ochako snapped at the boy, annoyed by his comments and attitude.
“The Nerd wants this too right?” He asked, his voice and demeanor softing a bit. Ochako nodded back at him, almost startled by the sudden change. “I’ll go then.” He stated and walked away. Ochako continued to stand there for a moment, confused by the interaction. She decided that, for the time being, it could wait. She would get to the bottom of it, but getting ready for the funeral was more important.
Ochako spent the rest of her night getting things ready. She remembered that Principal Nezu said that people would be allowed to speak if they chose to, so she decided to take some time to write up what she would say. She sat there at her desk, trying to will words onto the page. After what felt like hours there was still nothing there. What was she supposed to say? She had barely spent any time with Himiko. She didn’t even feel like she understood anything about her until it was already too late, and now she was supposed to write a eulogy for her? She decided to continue thinking about it as she got her outfit together for the next day together. She kept thinking on it as she went to the baths to get cleaned up. As she got back to her room there was still nothing. ‘Maybe I just need to sleep on it.’ Ochako thought, as she gave up for the night and layed in bed.
Sleep was not easy to come by that night, but it did eventually reach her. Ochako was laying on the Gunga battlefield, fading in and out of consciousness. As she started coming back to, she looked down at her side and saw the knife wound, fresh, open, and bleeding. The blackness took over for a time. As her vision cleared again she saw that the gash had been stitched up and the bleeding was under control, at that moment she felt something stick into her arm and her vision was gone again. She could still feel her surroundings though, the rocky ground underneath her, the rain falling on her body, and then finally a soft body cuddling up next to her. Then a voice, earnest and sweet, whispered into her ear.
“Don’t worry Chako, you always know just what to say.”
BEEP BEEP BEEP
The sun was shining through Ochako’s window and her alarm was going off. Most of the morning happened in a blur. She was out of her bed, brushing her teeth, putting on her funeral clothes, getting her hair and makeup ready, heading with her friends, her parents, and several teachers to the train station, arriving at the Kasumigaseki station and walking to a small building near the HPSC Headquarters. They stood in the lobby area for a few minutes but were eventually led back to a set of elevators. Ochako was finally snapped out of her trance-like state as they descended when her mother squeezed her hand.
“Are you ready?” the woman whispered to her daughter.
“I guess so,” Ochako weakly replied, “It just doesn’t feel real.”
Her mother gave her hand another gentle squeeze and they began to feel the elevator’s decent slow to a halt. The doors to the elevator slid open to another plain looking waiting room. There was a man in a suit that Ochako didn’t recognize waiting for them there. As they stepped out the man made his way to Principal Nezu, who was riding on Aizawa’s shoulder. They had a short conversation and the man gestured for everyone to follow him through a set of wooden double doors.
Inside was a somewhat sterile white walled room, with white tiled floors. At the back of the room was a cremation furnace, but in front of that was a small wooden easel with a young dark haired boy’s picture on it. ‘That must have been Tenko’ Ochako reasoned. It was odd seeing him smiling, she wasn’t sure she had ever seen Shigaraki truly smile in the times she had seen him. Ochako’s focus quickly shifted as a very basic plain coffin was wheeled on on a cart and placed next to Tenko’s memorial. Another easel was set up in front of the coffin with a picture of a younger looking Himiko. Ochako wasn’t sure where they had found it, she had searched to try to find any pictures of Himiko, but all she could find were from wanted posters, or newspaper articles detailing her crimes. Ochako vowed she would be taking it with her when she left. Ochako, her parents, and the rest of her class made their way to some folding chairs that looked like they had been haphazardly placed out to accommodate those in attendance. Ochako and her parents took the front row nearest to where Himiko’s coffin was. ‘Himiko would have hated that they put her in that, it’s not cute at all’ Ochako thought to herself, a modicum of anger starting to rise at the lack of effort she was seeing.
The rest of the class continued to file into the chairs, Iida trying to make an effort to keep things organized, while also compulsively straightening the chairs to try to create some sense of order. In the row behind her Tsu, Mina, and Hagakure sat down, with Momo and Jirou behind them. She mouthed them all a silent “Thank you” to show them her appreciation for their support. As she turned back she saw Izuku walk to the front row on the side closer to Shirgarki’s memorial. Next to him of course was his mother and All Might as well as still fairly rough looking Gran Torino. Behind them Iida attempted to take the seat behind Izuku, but was pushed to the row behind by Bakugo.
Izuku looked over at her and gave her a hesitant smile, clearly still nervous being around her after their last interaction. Ochako gave him a polite nod, still not sure how to feel about the boy after everything the past week had thrown at her. She didn’t want to think about that though. All she wanted to do was think about Himiko, her hair always in those adorable, messy buns, her cute, perfect smile, those piercing golden eyes, the way they always looked at her, the way she looked at her before they both lost consciousness.
Ochako was interrupted from her thoughts as a familiar looking man casually walked through the doors. A tired looking man with shoulder length, ash blond hair. Yokumiru Mera, the president of the HPSC.
“Alright, let’s get on with this. If anyone has anything to say, now's your time.” Mera groggily groaned out. Ochako sat there, silently shocked at the callousness and indifference in his tone. After a beat Izuku stood up and started his speech for Shigaraki. Ochako couldn’t hear anything he was saying, she was too focused on Mera. This man was responsible for so much of her hardship over the past month, had lied to her, had said horrible things about Himiko, and then had the gall to come in here like that. She was seeing red.
“… and I would like to thank Uraraka. Without her none of this would have happened. We wouldn’t be able to properly put to rest two lost souls that just needed a helping hand. I’m sure they would want to thank you too. Anyways that’s all I’ve got, so whoever else wants to speak can go ahead.” Izuku awkwardly offered, as he finished up his speech, and looked to Ochako. Everyone was looking to Ochako. She nervously stood up and walked up to the front.
“I didn’t know Himiko well.” Ochako started, looking out at her classmates and teachers. Small supportive smiles on their faces, doing their best to encourage their friend. She looked to her parents, their kind eyes clearly showing how proud of their daughter they were. She looked to the members of the HPSC, particularly Mera, checking his watch clearly annoyed to be there.
‘Don’t worry Chako, you always know just what to say.’
“We didn’t know each other well, but that didn’t matter. There was always a connection between us, something that drew us to one another. Unfortunately, I’m not always the best at seeing those kinds of things.” Ochako said, allowing a mirthless chuckle to escape. “She didn’t care though. She was always there reaching out to me. All I had to do was take her hand. I didn’t though, just like her parents, who couldn't even be bothered to be here, just like the quirk counseling system that failed her every step of the way, just like everyone else her entire life, I pushed her away! I failed her.” She struggled to get those last words out, as tears started to drop from her eyes. “Or I thought I did. When things were at their darkest. When everyone thought all was lost. All I could think about was finding Himiko, finding that hand that had reached out to me so many times and to grab it and never let go!” Ochako stopped for a moment, trying to hold back the tears she so desperately wanted to cry, but she knew she needed to stay strong and finish this for Himiko. “I did find her, and I used every ounce of my strength. Tapped into power I didn't know I had and grabbed that hand. Unfortunately, as was so often the case with Himiko, the other hand had a knife in it.” She said with a laugh, one of the first genuine laughs she had laughed since she woke up in the hospital. “Despite that I held on. I held on to her and I did what everyone else had failed to do. I let her know she wasn’t alone. I let her know that she should be free to live and love how she wanted. I let her know she should smile her big, beautiful smile and not let anyone make her feel lesser for it! I let her know that regardless of how she saw herself, I saw a girl the deserved to be loved as she was.” She stopped again, wiping the tears off her face. “Then we fell back to earth. I was bleeding a lot and barely able to stay conscious. She didn’t have to help me. She could have run off. I don’t think anyone would have ever caught her if she did. She didn’t though. She laid me down and stitched me up. She loved blood. There was nothing she coveted more than having the blood of someone she loved, I didn’t understand it before. I get it now though, because she gave me her blood. She gave it to me so that I could live on, and I covet every single cell, every single platelet, every single ounce of plasma of hers that is in my body. It will probably only still be with me for another 2 months at most, but it will have touched and helped give life to every other cell in my body. The last of those cells won’t die for almost 7 years. So I’m prepared to make the most of that time! To have Himiko help me save as many people and put smiles on as many faces as possible! To help make Himiko as much of a hero to everyone else as she is to me!” Ochako looked out at everyone one last time, smiling faces were all she saw from her friends, family, and loved ones. As happy as that made her, there was still an ache in her heart, because as she looked out, there was still one smile missing. The only one she was searching for. The one she wanted to see more than any other here. “Thank you everyone for being here. It really does mean a lot to me that you would help me send off Himiko the Hero the best we could. I think it would mean a lot to her too. Thank you.” Ochako finished and made her way back to her seat.
Everyone sat in silence for a moment. That silence was finally broken by a loud yawn.
“Well if that’s everyone go ahead and get started. That’s it keeping me here.” Mera said, waiving to the other HPSC members to leave. As they walked out the workers began wheeling the cart with Himiko’s casket to the cremation furnace.
“Wait!” Ochako yelled, jumping up and running to Himiko’s casket. Aizawa started to stand to try to get control of her, but was stopped by Principal Nezu.
“Don’t, I’d rather like to see where this is going.” The mouse man said, a smile creeping across his face.
The workers, startled by Ochako’s sudden outburst, stopped moving Himiko’s casket. As she approached she slowed down. “Can you please give me just a second with her. I won’t do anything crazy I promise. I just want to say goodbye.” The employees gave her an understanding nod and moved away to give her some privacy. Ochako moved to the end where Himiko’s head was and put her hand on the coffin lid. “I’m sorry that this wasn’t perfect for you Himikochan. I wanted so much more, but this was the best I could do. I figured those assholes wouldn’t do anything to give you a proper send off, and it seems like I was right. I was lucky growing up I guess, I didn’t have to go to a lot of funerals. The ones I did go to though had a tradition, they gave the dead a new name, kaimyō is what they call it I think. It’s supposed to keep the dead from returning if they’re name is called. I kinda debated if I wanted to give you a new name, after all I wouldn’t mind you coming back.” Ochako chuckled at her dumb little joke. “But more importantly I know you really just wanted to be able to be Himiko, but I think in the end you were able to be Himiko. Himiko lived and died how she wanted to. Now to help you rest in the afterlife I give you this new name. Chiyoha. It's supposed to represent the freedom and spirit carried in your blood. I hope that I can carry on your spirit through your blood in me.” Ochako leaned over and did her best to hug the casket, the closest facsimile she could get to being able to hug Himiko properly. “I guess this is goodbye for now. I hope I get to see you again someday. I promise I will never forget you. Actually there’s a lot I have to promise you, I hope this will do.” Ochako pulled out a letter from her pocket and placed it on the lid of the casket, a letter she had written after finding out about her death while she was in the hospital. “Trust me, it all gets explained in there. Goodbye Himiko, or Chiyoha. God i’m sorry I’m so bad at this.” She leaned down one more time to hug the casket. “I love you.” She whispered tears falling once again. She stood back up from her hunched position and placed both hands on the casket, removing its gravity. “Please, allow me to help.” Ochako said looking over to the workers, who were wide eyed looking back at her. One of them walked over to the furnace and held the door open. Ochako pushed Himiko’s coffin into the furnace. The door was then shut and the cremation process began.
She wasn’t meant to have a funeral. She wasn’t meant to be mourned. She wasn’t meant to have anyone care about her. She wasn’t meant to be loved.
However there she was, her body laying in a hospital bed, watching all that had just transpired on a live feed.
Himiko sat there stunned, not able to comprehend what she had just witnessed. What she had just heard from Ochako. Tears started rolling down her cheeks.
“Awe none of that now kiddo, or you’re gonna get me going. We both don’t want that, I am a really ugly crier. Besides, you don’t have time to cry. The big man’s gonna be here any minute! You don’t want to meet him with your eyes all red and puffy do you?” A voice came from the corner of the hospital room.
“Oh shut up you, you’re always ugly.” Himiko retorted, trying to gain her composure but failing. “How am I supposed to be normal right now! She… she said she loves me!”
